Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
