took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize