so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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