I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I need a beard to bite.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize