I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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