nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
