I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
