But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
