Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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