I think im going to throw up on grandma
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
