i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
