I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
