i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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