i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
