I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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