Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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