doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
