ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
