Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize