I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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