he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
