i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
