My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
