idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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