FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize