I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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