my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
