its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize