I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
