I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
