She is in my trunk
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
