is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
