i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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