He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize