ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
