that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
