threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
