You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
