You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
