He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You took a bar mat shot.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
