I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
