..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
your room smells of hookers.
And success
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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