there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Randomize
