saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
