Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
