My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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