It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
