Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
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