Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
