i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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