me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
