Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
