haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Me too!
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You should frame my arrest warrant.
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