I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
