Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
