I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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