You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
