someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
