I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
The uberlube is also flammable
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
