She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
