Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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