the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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