Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
