Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
