No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
