Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
