She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize