We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
