In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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