grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
