She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
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