Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
