I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
