Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
