New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize