spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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