wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
