We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
