I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
