you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
